When I was a kid, I spent a lot of time wishing I had a long skinny monkey tail like the Pink Panther. I imagined how I’d use it to help perform everyday tasks. I still think it would be useful, although I’d opt in for a pointy devil tail these days, which is good for spearing circus peanuts.
When I was a kid, I got in really bad trouble for playing with matches. I had a lot of army men, which I thought were kind of boring. I decided they needed to undergo genetic anthropomorphic mutation to become more interesting/useful. So, in my basement laboratory, with my assistant little-boy-from-next-door, I set out to create better toys. The trouble was, little-boy-from-next-door burned himself with a match, which brought a world of parent trouble down on me and my genetic anthropomorphic mutation toy laboratory. If I’d had a tail, I wouldn’t have needed an assistant in the first place and wouldn’t have lost my laboratory.
Some of my creations were awesome – a three armed ax wielding warrior with no head, a two headed cowboy, a barrel chested headless monster…etc.
Being an adult is awesome because I don’t have to worry about parents shutting down my lab. I only have to worry about the fumes from melting plastic. NOTE: KIDS – DO NOT DO THIS WITHOUT PARENTAL SUPERVISION.
I’ll be back – there’s some pretty interesting action happening in the backyard right now.